• Lawrence Kavulani

TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS & THE NEW ME

Hello, my dear reader, in today's post, we are going to talk about toxic friendships and how to overcome them.


I have learned a lot about friendships over the past years and through those experiences, I have become the person I am today. True friends are really hard to come by and reading this blogpost, I hope you see how important it is to be around the right people and it is absolutely ok to be alone sometimes.


Over the years, I lost a lot of friends which is totally normal when you reach a certain age. The ones who care stay and others slowly fade away. I realized that having many friends doesn't equal real friends, and having close friends doesn't automatically mean real friends either. The amount of trash-talking behind my back was too much and that's when I started to narrow my circle down and distance myself from a few people in order to protect myself. True friends are nowadays hard to find and friendships are hard to maintain. Friendships are also relationships and require maintenance in order to function for example meeting up for dinner, cooking together, or watching a movie.


Nowadays, almost none of that exists in my life. I guess I've reached the age where it's normal to be alone. Perhaps, it's time for me to get myself a bunch of cats and call them my friends? Just kidding. When I think back, it has always been me asking to spend some quality time and after constantly asking, I felt less and less important. I was practically the only one who was willing to invest the time and energy into the friendship. I am also aware that people my age have jobs and other important things to do other than meet up for dinner or a movie night but that doesn't mean you will never have time for a friend. I realized that I've been doing way too much for nothing in return. I felt desperate for some time and I constantly had the feeling of needing someone to spend time with as if, It would make me feel somehow less lonely. I do sometimes feel like an idiot for wasting all my time and energy on people that don't care.



Today, I rarely get a message from anyone and there is barely any communication with anybody. And you know what? I don't care at all. The funny thing is, when things go downhill, they suddenly seek the same love and support I once give them. At some point, I felt like a psychologist that never gets paid for therapy sessions. Frustrating, right?


I can't turn back time and the only thing I can do now is to love myself and work on my goals. I stopped reaching out to people that don't reflect the same energy and I only spend time with people that love and care for me and vice-versa. Nowadays, I mind my own business. I no longer need anyone around me that doesn't appreciate me for me.


If you're currently dealing with the same situation, then try to imagine yourself without them, imagine how your life would evolve and the things you could accomplish without having someone criticizing what you do or a life without expecting someone to become something they'll never become. After you picture how your life would look like, ask yourself how you feel.



In the end, just know, that you're never alone and you'll get over it with time. Always stay positive and never let a past experience affect your mental headspace. Learn from them and become the best version of yourself. :)


My quote from this blogpost is:


"The friends that are close to you are the ones who stay." Is not true. Only friends that are willing to invest their time and energy will stay.


What do you think about toxic friendships? Any past experiences? Comment down below.


#ConstantlyEvolving